"Date him or dump him" - how women categorize men

Five deadly dating patterns
Now that you’ve answered these eight questions, let’s dig into the specific relationship patterns your guy may be caught in. Here are five of the 16 patterns, their degrees of difficulty (10 is the most challenging) and my recommendations for handling each. The first two, “the savior” and “the coward” patterns, are easier to overcome, while the last three, “the super romantic flame-out,” “the grass-is-greener” and “the slacker” types, are in the most challenging group.

1. The savior

He is a super-duper caretaker, a Mr. Fix-It who tries to be romantic too. Your happiness is his happiness. And he doesn’t have much happiness of his own. Underneath it all he is insecure and feels not good enough — so he seems clingy and smothering.

Degree of difficulty: 4

If you are firm and he realizes he has to find his own happiness and stand up for himself or lose you, he will step up. Over time he could evolve into a great partner!

2. The coward

He is afraid of honest straight talk and very afraid of conflict. If differences come up he pulls away and prefers to communicate by e-mail or texts.

Degree of difficulty: 4

Many men have some degree of this pattern. You can break through by using positive talk, where you present your concerns in a loving, warm and clear way. Once you develop a way to navigate conflict, “the coward” can grow into a wonderful Mr. Right.

3. The super romantic flame-out

He is totally on your wavelength and crazy about you from the very first e-mail or glance at your photo. Chances are he is a serial monogamist who has brief periods of being in mad, passionate love with you, then the next, and the next one, following the path of chemistry, wherever it may lead.

Degree of difficulty: 8

Take it slow and easy to make him prove himself. If he doesn’t, be ready to bail.

4. The grass-is-greener type

He has a hard time making up his mind, like he is never sure that the job he has is really the best one for him. Online dating has made this pattern very common. Because there is such a smorgasbord of women, men with this inclination are constantly looking to see whether they can do better.

Degree of difficulty: 8

If he is very true to type, he will be mortally terrified of “settling” — as in, settling down with you. It is usually best to move on before he does.

5. The slacker

He has grand dreams and plans that have been just over the horizon for years. He may be cute and engaging as he passionately describes all that he is going to do. But this is the guy who consistently shoots himself in the foot so that he misses the finish line. He didn’t finish anything — not his degree, his new Web site, his new book, project or the very deal that will get him ahead.

Degree of difficulty: 8

Unless he has started to seriously engage in therapy or coaching, you will not be able to rescue this guy. No, not even you.